We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
