if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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