The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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