who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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