hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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