it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
