foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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