You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
