So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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