And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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