dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
