There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
