why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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