Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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