What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
