Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
