I'm so fucking centered right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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