Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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