i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
