If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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