ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
