so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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