I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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