I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
