the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
