Dual....:-)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
