listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
