life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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