im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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