I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
