Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
