The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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