she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
