you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
