you guys were way drunker than both of me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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