I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
