Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
