I will die if light touches me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
