Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize