Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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