I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
