Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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