just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
