Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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