look no pants
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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