I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
