He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
