Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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