It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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