"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
