onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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