He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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