Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
