I got chris browned last night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
