I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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