My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
