This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
