He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
