I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
