Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
