And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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