I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
