Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
