Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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