Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
