he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
