I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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